Brainz …It’s What’s For Dinner.

For years i’ve been taking careful note as i watch historical documentaries and realistic re-enactments of bio-hazard induced crisis and catastrophes, careful to inspect each situation to learn from the mistakes of those who have gone before me, in order that i and my loved ones would be among the few fortunate enough to survive: i keep in good physical condition, improving my speed, stamina, flexibility and agility; learned how to handle firearms and improve my shooting skills; studied techniques in stealth practices; trained in first aid. Lately, i’ve recruited my son in this endeavor, teaching him the skills and tactics to survive and going over training films and material such as HBO’s multi-part docu-drama “Walking Dead,” the fact-based “28 Days Later,” “Resident Evil” (a five part documentary that would make Ken Burns proud),” the ground-breaking “Night of the Living Dead,” the relational tutoring “Shaun of the Dead,” and the indispensable video guide “Zombieland.”

You may scoff at my diligence to ensure the safety and survival of myself and loved ones in an impending zombie apocalypse. However, i have the support of the United States government. While you were busying yourself mocking Harold Camping’s doomsday prediction a few weeks back, the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC) was trying to prepare the world for a more imminent and probable “zombie” apocalypse. The CDC is one of the world’s most advanced and credible scientific health resource facilities. They suggest the following preparations in case of reanimation devastation:

• Water (1 gallon per person per day)
[Running from them or killing them, either way you’ll work up a powerful thirst with zombies around.]

• Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly) [Gotta keep your strength up.]

• Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
[Zombies really are a headache of migraine potential.]

• Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
[Because we all know zombies can’t chew through duct tape.]

• Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
[Especially needed due to the excess of blood-born pathogens from all the brain consumption going on around you.]

• Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
[A splatter free set of clothes is always a good idea.]

• Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
[Because zombies want to know who’s for dinner.]

• First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane) […or fighting for your life avoiding becoming zombie food.]

~End world hunger~

In case you think I’m joking. Click here for the CDC version.