Primate Pandemonium

At times when i’d be gardening, picking luscious blueberries to add to my morning yogurt, or just lounging around in the back yard my ears would turn to the most curious of sounds emanating from the house behind me. Sometimes it sounded somewhat like a dog’s bark, other times more like the cry of an infant. Whatever the call, the two monkeys birthing these sounds were indeed rascals. i’m not sure what type of primates these were, but i estimate the little poo-flingers were about 18 inches in height and weighed between 7-10 pounds.

Their cage butted against a window that was often open during nice weather, to which the simian scoundrels clung to and shook themselves with fury. i was glad they were safely behind thick wire and glass. Especially as they would keenly fix their eyes on my every move, observing me in my natural habitat …mowing the lawn.

Still, i never experienced what the good people of Fremont, Ohio had to endure as they suffered at the hands of one of these tiny tyrants. Last week, it took several police officers more than three hours and discharging of weapons to subdue the angsty anthropoid. …Really?!

Maybe i should change this to Wiersma Wednesday. Just a thought.

Slow news day in Fremont, OH or should there be a monkey business ban? Monkeys in your neighborhood? They’re certainly in mine.

~End brachiation~

God Went Golfing.

Last Sunday was Father’s Day. The one day in the year specifically set aside for sons and daughters to dignify their sire with a Hallmark card, a neck tie, a family BBQ, an interrupted baseball game, or perhaps a day of fishing or a round on the links. But this Father’s Day, one Dad was missing …Abba.

No, not the Swedish pop group. Abba is an Aramaic term meaning father. ‘Abba’ is what a small child would call their daddy or papa, often used as a descriptor in the New Testament of the Bible by Jesus and His followers to infer to an intimate relationship with God (Mark 14.36; Romans 8.15; Galatians 4.6).

Now, when i say He was missing, i mean He was absent from The Pledge of Allegiance. It seems that during the beginning of NBC’s telecast of the US Open Golf Tournament they had a patriotic montage inter-cut with footage of school children reciting the American Pledge of Allegiance. However, the “under god” portion of the creed was deleted by editors.

There was mass outcry from viewers. Though, i’m not sure why. Originally the “under God” term was not in the 1892 declaration. President Eisenhower signed legislation concerning The Pledge in 1954, which added the two words.

Here’s why i’m not upset:

1. Though this nation was founded on principles of faith and by men of faith, who called themselves Christians, their practice of Christianity was often far from following the God that the Old and New Testaments characterize.

2. The god that people think of when they recite The Pledge of Allegiance could be any god they imagine: Hindu, Muslim, nothing, etc.

3. People have been omitting God from all kinds of things (especially their personal lives) for millennia.

4. i’m not under the delusion that this is truly a unified nation “under God.”

5. Despite what people may say or not say…  God is not going anywhere.

Whether He is acknowledged or not, God is still on the golf course. Just don’t expect him to shag your balls.

What are your thoughts on BBC’s choice to deliberately edit The Pledge?

~End mulligan~

Walmart… a nice place to shop(lift).

North Carolina is a beautiful state. Why else would it have a city called Eden: A veritable garden of lush vegetation, thriving fauna, and the finest of personal amenities anyone could hope to cull from their local Walmart. Well, at least it was for Amber Shaquille Duncan until she was caught pilfering from the retail giant.

People steal for many reasons, for money, or drug money, out of desire, need, survival, obsession or just for the thrill. With Amber, i’m not interested in her motivation as much as her application. Here is what Ms. Duncan lifted: a box of fruit snacks, a box of granola bars, a can of cashews (my favorite), a pack of water balloons, three water guns, and a home pregnancy test.

i have a pretty good idea why Amber swiped these particular items. i’d rather hear your reasoning.

What do you think the story is for Amber snitching these things?

~End heist~

Have Trident, Will Travel.

Why is the devil red? Where did the notion come from that Satan is a hulking red brute with menacing chiseled features: protruding brow supporting ominous speared horns and hides sunken yellow eyes; a hardened jaw line framing a ravenous mouth of abnormally long, piercing incisors that look to shred the most tensile metal; a sniping tail that wields to unexpectedly pierce lustfully at the nearest flesh? (Perhaps some of you good Cybermaritans could research these origins for me?)

i did a little research and found the first recorded public encounter with Satan occurs in the Bible, the book of Genesis, Chapter 3. He is in the form of a serpent. Encountering the serpent, Eve is not repulsed, frightened or even intimidated. She simply enters into conversation. Subtle… isn’t it?

This is how evil comes into my life. Not to disregard the heinous evil that many fall victim to in violent crime or betrayal. But the vast majority of us experience evil in seemingly benign means. Perhaps it’s the simply our own justification of a want or desire. Small, sometimes well-meant occurrences that fester into vices and lifestyles beyond our control: A white lie to deflect an argument, judgment, or make ourselves look better in the mind of others escalates into perjury; a quick lustful glimpse at a beauty on the street wrings into a dark pornographic sex addiction; a toke on a joint hurricanes to a heroin overdose; a compromise of values in a moment of desperation explodes to habitual crime. (i hope hyperbole is not lost  here.)

Whatever the situation, evil usually starts with a selfish desire. We all like to think we are important. And you are!! God thinks you are. But it’s when we think we are more important than someone else, our needs and desires come before others, this is where the lie begins.

In our Western culture our desires are catered and manipulated every day. Any salesperson on the planet worth his salt will tell you that the art of selling is to appeal to your emotions and desires, convince you that you need this product/service more than life itself. The common television viewer observes well over 70 of these appeals daily. Add to this print, radio, internet, and other advertising media, the average American is exposed to roughly 3000 appeals daily. WOW! In a recent study, education scientist Dr. Norman Herr noted that the average American child observes   20,000 30-second TV commercials. UNBELIEVABLE!!

Like the serpent who baited Eve with half-truths, telling her what she wanted to hear, appealing to her desire… so go our own hearts. We don’t need the devil in snakeskin… we’re bombarded countless times a day with fancy indulgence since we could turn the channel from Sesame Street. It’s not just advertisers. Every one of us puts on our salesman persona now and again to placate our friend, neighbor, co-worker, spiritual leader, counselor, supervisor, parent, significant other, child, and …yes, even God.

With a society that caters to our every whim of self-importance and entitlement, it’s no wonder we feel deserving and indulgent and that, “I am the most important person on the planet.” So if you’re wait is more than five minutes in the fast food drive through you pitch a fit. “Where’s my damn burger?!” How ridiculous is that?? It wasn’t long ago that you would have had to milk the cow, age the cheese, slaughter and butcher another cow, grind the wheat, make the dough, build the fire, bake the buns, flame broil the beef… you haven’t even had time to think about condiments because you’ve starved to death making a cheeseburger (with all due respect to my vegetarian/vegan friends–you gotta love the cheeseburger). But today you can’t wait five minutes, so you scream at the poor teenage girl making $1.07 an hour, who did little more than take your cash in trade for a meal. Is that evil?! Not to some… but selfishness manifested as anger that seeks only self-satisfaction is as ugly as the proverbial satanic visage.  Just remember that then next time a well dressed person tells you what you want to hear.

~End antler~

Sometimes it’s just not worth the effort.

You know how it is when you really, really, really, desire something? There’s nothing that will stand in your way from reaching your goal and obtaining your dreams.

Well, a group of New York City dwellers found themselves coveting a bike. Not a shiny new gold plated hybrid mountain sportster, nor was it a finely tuned multi-gear racer. Nope! Just your ordinary Department Store $70 two wheeler. But nothing was going to stand in the way of of these ingenious ruffians from obtaining the object of their desire. Not even the tree it was chained to.

OK, be nice now… but what really spins through your mind when you saw these rocket scientists work their cunning thievery?

~End whack~