All The World’s A Stooge…

Welcome to Fun Friday…

my first recollection of The Three Stooges was as a child, watching their strung together shorts during lazy Saturday afternoon television viewing. Moe, the self-confident, short-tempered leader of the trio; Curley, the shaved-head affable energizer bumble; Larry, the curly-tossle-topped goof (it was always confusing to me why the one with the curly hair wasn’t called “Curley”).

The Three Stooges had a 40 year film career beginning in the early 1930s. Throughout their career, Moe and Larry were the constants, with various others filling out the third stooge role. As my familiarity with The Three Stooges grew, i became in awe of Shemp.  One of the original trio, Shemp had perfect comedic timing and odd facial caricatures that always made me smile. Shemp, who was Moe’s brother, left the act to pursue a moderately successful solo career in 1933. Replaced by younger brother Jerry (aka Curley), The Stooges would go on to greater success. Shemp rejoined the group “temporarily” after Curley suffered a debilitating stroke in 1946. Unfortunately Curley never recovered and Shemp became a permanent replacement until his own death in 1955.

Shemp’s role on a couple of unfinished films was filled out by comedian Joe Palma. A permanent replacement was found a year later in Joe Besser. Besser left the act in 1959

Besser

to care for his ailing wife and was replaced by comic Joe (Curly-Joe) Derita (What’s with all the Joez). They continued to film and perform live until 1970 when Larry suffered a stroke. Moe continued the live act for five more years with several other comedians as his stooging companions until his

DeRita

death in 1975.

Currently in production is a new Three Stooges film. Someone is trying to replace these whimsical weirdlings. Can it be done? Personally, i love Shemp. Moe, Curley, and Larry are exquisite. I can do with out the rest.

The Three Stooges made 206 short films, 14 feature length films, and 156 animated television shows. They were mesmerizingly stoopid stupid. They are a timeless classic.

Who is your favorite Stooge? Do you have a favorite Stooge memory/film? What do you think of a new Three Stooges? And… why is it that your first name has to be Joe to fill a Shemp?

~End nyuck~

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Walmart… a nice place to shop(lift).

North Carolina is a beautiful state. Why else would it have a city called Eden: A veritable garden of lush vegetation, thriving fauna, and the finest of personal amenities anyone could hope to cull from their local Walmart. Well, at least it was for Amber Shaquille Duncan until she was caught pilfering from the retail giant.

People steal for many reasons, for money, or drug money, out of desire, need, survival, obsession or just for the thrill. With Amber, i’m not interested in her motivation as much as her application. Here is what Ms. Duncan lifted: a box of fruit snacks, a box of granola bars, a can of cashews (my favorite), a pack of water balloons, three water guns, and a home pregnancy test.

i have a pretty good idea why Amber swiped these particular items. i’d rather hear your reasoning.

What do you think the story is for Amber snitching these things?

~End heist~

Brainz …It’s What’s For Dinner.

For years i’ve been taking careful note as i watch historical documentaries and realistic re-enactments of bio-hazard induced crisis and catastrophes, careful to inspect each situation to learn from the mistakes of those who have gone before me, in order that i and my loved ones would be among the few fortunate enough to survive: i keep in good physical condition, improving my speed, stamina, flexibility and agility; learned how to handle firearms and improve my shooting skills; studied techniques in stealth practices; trained in first aid. Lately, i’ve recruited my son in this endeavor, teaching him the skills and tactics to survive and going over training films and material such as HBO’s multi-part docu-drama “Walking Dead,” the fact-based “28 Days Later,” “Resident Evil” (a five part documentary that would make Ken Burns proud),” the ground-breaking “Night of the Living Dead,” the relational tutoring “Shaun of the Dead,” and the indispensable video guide “Zombieland.”

You may scoff at my diligence to ensure the safety and survival of myself and loved ones in an impending zombie apocalypse. However, i have the support of the United States government. While you were busying yourself mocking Harold Camping’s doomsday prediction a few weeks back, the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC) was trying to prepare the world for a more imminent and probable “zombie” apocalypse. The CDC is one of the world’s most advanced and credible scientific health resource facilities. They suggest the following preparations in case of reanimation devastation:

• Water (1 gallon per person per day)
[Running from them or killing them, either way you’ll work up a powerful thirst with zombies around.]

• Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly) [Gotta keep your strength up.]

• Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
[Zombies really are a headache of migraine potential.]

• Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
[Because we all know zombies can’t chew through duct tape.]

• Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
[Especially needed due to the excess of blood-born pathogens from all the brain consumption going on around you.]

• Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
[A splatter free set of clothes is always a good idea.]

• Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
[Because zombies want to know who’s for dinner.]

• First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane) […or fighting for your life avoiding becoming zombie food.]

~End world hunger~

In case you think I’m joking. Click here for the CDC version.

If you're ready for a zombie apocalypse, then you're ready for any emergency. emergency.cdc.gov

New Sex Rules

1. You must be disease free. No STDs.

2. Males are only allowed ten days a year to “perform.”

3. Males are not allowed to be noisy or risk a two year ban.

4. No more than six females in the area at a given time.

5. Only young studs allowed.

These are actual ordinances recently imposed by Hopewell Township, New Jersey. Fortunately they only apply to chickens. Yes, the town has adopted these policies regulating the inner city mating activity of hens and roosters: Only six hens allowed per half acre parcel; Roosters are only allowed in city limits for a ten day period to allow for procreation (better get a ring on that wing first); Mature roosters are forbidden, as they tend to “Crow” a lot (quiet dear, the chicks will hear you); Roosters that are too noisy face up to a two year ban from the “copulation coop.”

So many puns, so little time.
Really, it wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t true.

Who said chickens weren't sexy?

~End abstention~

i’m trying something new. i’m going to put up funny or the absurd or whatever on “Fun Friday” in order to lighten things up heading into your weekend. What do you think? …yeah, about the chickens, too.